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    A lot of people ask me how I start my day at my age... age is a state of mind, really... I start every day with a big puff on the crack pipe, a handful of greenies and a Viagra... then I turn on the EDM and dance around the bathroom until I have to take a dump... works every time.

    Melanie Trump, am I right? She is the best looking third wife of a President since I don't know when... and she has more good looks in her left nipple than any other First Lady ever... and I know what I'm talking about, I dated Abigail Adams for a while... Jackie was good, but Melanie is tight tight tight!

    Speaking of First Ladies, how about that Joe Banner... what an offseason he's had!

    Show business is a tough business... but the Gabor sisters always made it look easy... they were easy too... You say "best movie of the year" and I say The Great Wall... loved the hairpieces.
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